Thanksgiving was great!

I picked Ron up for Thanksgiving and brought him to my daughter and son-in-laws home (Randi and Joe) in Morgan where we live. It was a very simple gathering, just my family and Ron. It was very nice. Ron is doing great. He is so grateful for everything and anything! He never complains a word. Yes, he is sore and his hip is killing him. He is amazing. We took him back to Dr. Hillyard, the Doctor who did the multiple surgeries (orthopedic surgeon at IMC) to review the scans performed on his hip and arm a few weeks ago. His arm and hand are slowly progressing, not as fast as Ron would like. He can barely move his hand and the left arm won't turn at all.  (I will report on his visit and suggested surgery later). Reminder, back to the injuries, we were not sure he would gain the ability for movement in that left arm and hand.  Here is what the arm looks like now:

He does his exercises (Physical therapy) on his own most of the time. He likes to go workout in the PT room at night when everyone is gone so he can do whatever he wants. I remember in the beginning when he would fall out of bed often. I suspect that he was trying to get up and walk. It is that independence and will to fight, he has inside of him. He used to say "I need to get out of here and get to work!"

On Thanksgiving he sat in a big nice recliner and announced that he needed one of those for his room. He loved it. We ate and watched football. He talked about his problem with going to the bathroom because of the meds (our family always talked bathroom talk at the table while growing up). I felt right at home around Ron as usual. He makes us all laugh and really is a different person right now. Very humble and grateful to be alive!

He shared this video with me, his first time walking with a cane, GO RON!!

 

Jen and Kurt (my sister and husband) were in town for Thanksgiving and took their boys to visit Ron. The last time Jen saw Ron was when he was in the coma. (They have talked on the phone though). She was amazed at how far he has come. He remembers everything now. It just takes him a minute to remember some details of events, or someone's name (this is normal for me). Ron's memory was amazing before the accident. I would have to ask him details about stories (while growing up), or ask him someone's name. He would blurt it out. I told him we are finally on the same level. It frustrates him.

Jen and Kurt gave him a heating blanket for his birthday (he is always so cold, he makes his room very warm and keeps the door closed). He was so happy! The simple things in life make Ron happy. It is great to watch.

The Left Hip, we were told this would be an issue

Wow, time flies. It has been weeks since I have posted. Ron is doing well. He has been in severe pain in his left hip. We got him a Dr. appt. to see Dr. Hillyard. He is the wonderful man who did most of Ron's surgeries at IMC. I wasn't able to go to the appt. Jim went to the appt and Ron has calcium build-up in his forearm and left hip where he was most seriously injured. The Dr. said this is typical with someone who has experienced major bone injuries and TBI. The calcium has built out like tree branches or crystals. Ron will be having surgery to remove much of the build-up in a few weeks. He has been a trooper. I thought he was experiencing pain due to his orthopedic injuries, which is true, however the calcium build-up can cause severe pain. Ron told me the pain killers hardly help.

Ron continues to be in high spirits and has much gratitude for having survived such a traumatic accident. He told me today he is ready to leave the place he is in. He has one more month before he can qualify to be upgraded to an assisted living facility. He will also need to be a little more mobile in order to live in a place with less dependency on others. He has been pretty independent. He gets into his wheelchair to tell the nurses when he is ready for his pain meds. He has decided he can go down to the physical therapy room on his own and work out, stretch and walk a little while holding on to bars. He thinks he knows much more about what he needs than the physical therapists.

I hope once he has this surgery on his hip he will have the ability to stand for more than a minute or two and begin walking with assistance. The pain is unbearable right now, and he can't do much without experiencing such pain.

Ron's burrito from Costa Vida!

Ron is improving leaps and bounds (Report as of this last week)

As of the beginning of this week Ron is now allowed in a wheelchair. He can push himself very slowly with his good arm and leg (The right leg and arm). He is fighting to be as independent as possible, and won't stay in bed any longer. They x-rayed him after one of the falls and the doctor said everything looked good and is healing well, therefore they have let him get in and out of a wheelchair with assistance. He has been a lot happier.

Once in the wheelchair he was able to have a real shower. He was very happy about that. Ron is so thin. He had always been thin, but not quite like this. His clothes hang on him. He is eating and liking the food so that is good. I keep bringing him Pepsi, he loves Pepsi, and lots of candy bars. Hopefully that helps him gain some weight. I asked him what kind of sweets or candy he is craving. He asked for Hot Tamales. Hmmm. I didn't know those still existed.. I did find some! Watching him eat again in the beginning of solid foods was like watching a child eat a treat that he only gets on special occasions. He loved eating a burger, fries and shake for the first time after the accident as well. It was almost like he had forgotten about food along with the short term memory loss.

A lot of Ron's memory improves weekly. He still forgets some things, but amazingly and miraculously he is remembering a lot more now. He can recall who comes to visit as well as short term activities and names of those who care for him. He really likes his new speech therapist. She plays poker with him. He loves that. I knew he would like her, she is very down to earth and can handle Ron's personality.

He asked me recently if our sister Jen was still with her boyfriend and stated his name. I said no, she is married to Kurt. He then quickly said. That is who I meant, Kurt Neeley. Sometimes it takes a minute for him to remember. This doesn't happen nearly as much as it did in the beginning. He didn't know who I was when he came out of his coma! That is how far he has come. I was talking to a friend in my neighborhood who had a brother who suffered some memory loss from an accident. He never did regain his short term memory. He would recall things from the past and never fully recovered. It is a miracle that Ron has come this far in only a few months since the accident.

Ron is talking about his experience while "asleep"

Ron talks about how he should be dead. He tells the nurses or those who come in his room that there is a reason he was given another chance at life. He gets frustrated because he is treated like he is a TBI patient (traumatic brain injury), which he is; However, he is "with it" more than he gets credit for. The nurse told me that too. She knows he is quite "with it". They put Ron on some medication to help with his agitation. He calls them "brain meds" and hates to take them. The other day when I was there he hadn't taken anything for pain all day. Wow, that is crazy. He was refusing all medications. His left hip hurts the most right now. His left hip was dislocated and he had chipped some of the bone. The doctor said he would eventually need his hip replaced. That will be a discussion with the doctor when he goes for a check-up.

Ron talks of his tobacco cravings (one of his first words at the specialty hospital in Provo). Over the last few weeks he has been talking about how hard the cravings are. This last Friday I asked him about it, and he said that people come in his room smelling thick of smoke. He said he can't stand it and it makes him sick. (I am crossing my fingers that he doesn't give in and have a cigarette!). He said that he won't go back to that nasty habit.

It is hard to visit Ron in this long term care facility. Everyone is at least in their 70's and 80's. There are a few in their 60's. Ron is the youngest at almost 45! I went with him into the dining area for his meal and a few of the patients were trying to talk to him. He said he hated going to the dining area because everyone is so negative and whiny! I don't know how much longer Ron will last in this place, he is a fighter and told me the other day he needed to get out of this place and get back to work!!

Ron also shared his "near death experience" which was very real. It was sacred for the most part, so I won't share detail. However, he is very open about it even to strangers. He said he knows God and Jesus Christ are real. He was told that he should be dead, and the accident was for him. It wasn't time for him to die, he needed to make changes in his life. Ron has always believed in God. He has always admitted he has struggles with addictions and "his vices" and knows that God is real and exists without a doubt. He now states that he has "seen too much" not to believe.

Parts of his story are unique to a near death experience. The things he said can not be made up or envisioned by someone with a TBI. There was too much detail and some of the words he used convinced me they were not from Ron's imagination. He reported something significant about our ancestors too. I may share that at a later time, for now, I have gained more insight of God and his plan for us in this life. Ron's experience has increased my testimony and confirmed the things I know to be true.

Ron's staples were removed

Left Leg Fasciotomy staples picture taken 8/22/14

Left leg after removal of staples (picture taken 4-5 weeks later than prior photo)

Ron is going to have some bad "A" scars, he said they will always remind him of the accident and his "fourth" chance. I didn't know what he meant by "fourth" chance. He seems determined to make some big changes in his life. He seems very sincere. I would love to see him become what he has always wanted to become. He has so much talent and ability.

Right arm removal of staples due to fasciotomy

The nurse removed his staples a little too late, the scabs and small amount of infection will clear right up. His arm is the same size as his leg pictured above!

The first week in the new facility admitted on Sept. 22 (So. Ogden, Utah)

Once Ron left Provo and the specialty wound center, it was quite an adjustment. Ron was in an adult care facility in Roy for a week. He then transferred to a different facility at his request. He didn't like the place in Roy. He is now in So. Ogden and likes it much better.

The first night in the facility he had the nurse convinced that he could get into a wheelchair. They gave in to his demands and he tried to stand on his good leg and fell right over. (Doctor orders were to wait 3 months before standing, it had only been 8 weeks).

His second night there I walked in his room and he was yelling at the nurse and the nurses aide. They looked terrified of him. He was very agitated, in pain and needed help getting to the bathroom. I had to help him with some of the duties because no one would come near him in his rage. (Ron sounds like he is rotten, really he is so frustrated and in pain). Ron has always had a big heart.

Ron's room-mate, Greg was also terrified (they are separated by a curtain). He told the nurse he was afraid Ron would go after him.  Ha, ha, Ron can't move! How is he going to come after you Greg? I tried to calm Greg down and asked if Ron has been disturbing him. He said "well, he has been screaming and cussing all night".  Poor Greg. He is in his 70's and can't get out of bed either, due to a stroke and some other sickness he has, very sweet man. After a few days they became friends.

A few visits later Ron had a new room-mate. He was very quiet and when I tried to talk to him, he wouldn't look at me. Ron had an argument with him and his sisters because they took his cable box and cords. Ron said loudly "we are no longer friends". The equipment has to be ordered by the maintenance guy. We ordered them the prior day and when I came the next day everything was hooked up to his room-mates t.v. Ron was furious about that. He didn't have a problem telling them either. Because Ron can't move, he couldn't do much but yell at them (he said the nurses didn't know what was going on and didn't do anything about it). We got that all resolved by the next day.


Within that first week, Ron fell out of bed 3-4 times because he moves all over trying to get comfortable (we have never seen the falls, knowing Ron I assume he is trying to stand on one leg on his own). I met with his nurse and social worker to figure out how to prevent the falls. They can't have railings on the beds due to state regulations, therefore he has a mat next to his bed on the floor for now.

Ron fell out of bed - more stitches :(

While I was out of town, my brother Jim received a call that Ron had fallen out of Bed. He has been transferred to a long-term care facility, a big step down from the care he had been receiving. He had medical clearance to be moved as his wounds are healing very well. He can't do much but lift his arms and legs. He can scoot a little bit while grabbing the side of his bed and pushing with his arm and leg. He went to reach for a water cup and fell out of bed, cutting his head on the right side of his forehead. He had a black eye too. I went and saw him this last Friday while he was in McKay Dee Hospital in Ogden/emergency. He stayed the night as they thought he was wanting to hurt himself. My brother Jim made a good point. This is progress, he is becoming aware of what is happening and he is very frustrated. We knew the process of healing would be difficult. He seemed fine at the time I had visited him and in good spirits.

I stayed with him 3-4 hours while I talked to several nurses and deciding if we should move him to a different facility. Ron remembered how he fell out of bed. He said the place in Roy is terrible. They want to steal my medicine and it took them forever to come when I fell out of bed. It is hard to know what to believe. However, a nurse at the hospital told me that the place in Roy was wonderful as he went there for years growing up to visit his uncle.

The type of care he will be getting is so different from what he is used to. It will be an adjustment wherever he is. We decided to move him to a place in Washington Terrace in Ogden. That will be happening today. I am waiting to here on a time.

While with Ron I finally tracked down one of Ron's best friends that lives in Las Vegas, Bill. He and Ron had a good talk on the phone and it is amazing to watch how he is while in a conversation. He seems to remember a lot. A few hours prior to that conversation with Bill he was mumbling all kinds of crazy stuff. He told me he saw Tim (my husband) and that he just walked by his room in a suit. I told him that it couldn't have been Tim or he would be in the room with us! He said wow Tim looks just like his dad (he doesn't at all, he looks more like his mother). I said no Ron, he doesn't at all. Ron said "I mean his other dad, you know, Randi's husband" He was talking about my daughters husband Joe. He seems to bring up Randi's name every time I visit for some reason.

Last week he remembered that Uncle Clyde (my dad's brother) came to visit while he was in town. My aunt Joyce, cousins Stacey and Scott as well as Colleen, Clyde's wife. That was so great of them. Ron said it was a good visit. My aunt Joyce reported to me her thoughts:

"The difference in Ron since we last saw him two weeks ago is amazing! He knew all of us and even knew it was 2014. However, he'd forgotten that both of your parents were dead until we reminded him. He even asked Stacie to tell him how his dad died. He said he wanted his mom to come see him, and I had to tell him that wasn't possible. Then he said, well then, my other mom. We weren't quite sure about that. He said his left hand was all messed up but we noted he could move it and wiggle his fingers. Stacie told him she was upset that we didn't get invited to any of his weddings. He said no one was there, then he asked, who did I marry? When we asked if he'd like any books, he requested a Book of Mormon, along with books by Stephen King, Dean Koontz and Sidney Sheldon. Stacie said she could bring some books that were not Mormon (in fact, pretty in-Christian). He said to her, look, I've seen too much stuff not to believe it's true. We met his roommate, who told Clyde he had cancer and was there just waiting to die. Too bad. I can't see him and Ron becoming best buddies. Hopefully, Ron won't talk him into giving him any cigarettes! We asked him how he felt, now that his lungs were clear. He said he felt a lot better but the cravings are still strong. All in all, the strides he's made were amazing." (reported from my Aunt Joyce Cottrell on Sept. 16).

Progression! Ron is progressing (moved from Specialty Hospital)

I was out of town last week and got behind on Ron's blog. I went to see Ron in Provo for the last time on Sept. 12. It was our mothers birthday, so Kerri, my sister and I went to lunch (I like to go to lunch on my mom's birthday every year to celebrate in spirit).

From there I went to see Ron. He had really progressed in one week. He was chatty and I watched as the speech therapist worked with him again. She gave him the name of a color and something to associate with that color. She assigned him the object (this was a memory game, nothing to look at). Yellow is the sun, green is the grass, red is a stop sign, blue is the ocean, orange is a carrot, white is paper, purple is a flower,  pink is a pelican, brown is chocolate and black is coal. He did pretty well, but sometimes with green he would say the wrong thing (I can't remember now), purple he couldn't ever remember (flower) and blue he would sometimes say river, or lake instead of ocean. Funny thing for white he blurted out "garments", me and the speech therapist looked at each other with a very strange look. He would say it every time and then we had to correct him, no it's "paper". He started doing it on purpose to make us laugh. Pelican was way too hard to remember. He would say papaya each time or anything else that started with a "p" for pink. For coal, he said "tar" which is still good as he was associating the right color to an object! Also very funny was when he would say brown for chocolate, he would use a funny accent and say "chocolaté" (choco'latte) He is so silly.

Left hand and arm (he can lift and wiggle his fingers!! a miracle

He talks about his left arm which is the arm that was in very bad shape. He told me his arm looks like planet of the Apes. He made a funny face as if his hand was talking ("I'm from planet of the Apes").

He wasn't hungry, so I couldn't get him a burger yet. He isn't eating a ton, just enough and he is losing weight instead of gaining. Not too concerning yet. He is so very thin. He couldn't remember the names of my kids and Shane's kids. I had to remind him. He said "Cody had a grand-baby for Shane, right?" No, he isn't married. He remembers things, and then I can be talking to him and he will forget what we discussed all in the same visit. I was told this is all normal with brain injury patients.

When I left I told Ron I wouldn't be able to visit again until the end of next week because I was going out of town. He seemed to understand.

YIPEEE Solid Foods! (Visiting Ron - Friday Sept. 5th)

Ron was so cute, I decided I like the stage Ron is in right now. Maybe I am in denial and want to ignore reality. Or, I am at peace with accepting where he is mentally right now. He is a 12 year old and we are young again. He isn't even trying to be funny and I laugh at and with him. We have always been able to laugh together and talk just about anything. Even if our lives are/were so different, we could find common ground and giggle a lot. We use to talk a lot about growing up and all the funny things we experienced. The good and bad at times depending on our mood. Ron could remember almost everything from our childhood. I was always amazed at what he could remember.

I asked Ron how the food has been. He said "terrible" it is like leftovers! They feed me leftovers!
I again promised him a hamburger from Carl's Jr. as soon as he is cleared for solid food (I hate Carl's Jr. due to personal (political) reasons, I think I have been only once many years ago; Therefore I will try and convince him he needs a Crown Burger, onion rings and a shake!)

I spent time with the case worker (Kitt) and the speech therapist (Britney) which was really great. The speech therapist is over his diet and swallowing as well as short term memory (cognitive exercises).
I watched as she asked him the simple questions, his name, what year and what city he was in.  She then told me to remind him all the time about what he was doing before the accident, where he lived, etc. We were discussing his transportation. I told Britney he rode his bicycle all over. Ron perked up and said "yes, my only mode of transportation, that is how I stay in shape!). He remembered that he rode his bike all over. From Ogden to Centerville and North Bountiful where he was doing construction as a living. He couldn't remember that he was visiting Jim in Draper at the time of the accident. He doesn't recall where he lives.  The last time I asked him what year it was he said 1995. This week he thinks it 2004 (he's getting closer!).

Britney (speech therapist), asked me to label all the photos I brought for Ron. She said it was hard to help him remember everyone without names. She showed Ron a picture of my family and pointed to my husband Tim, asking who he was. Ron said "that's me." He also told her that my dad's wedding (many years ago) with pictures of his siblings, our grandma etc. Ron said it was a picture of his wedding (Ron wasn't in the picture that we could tell). He does recognize people sporadically. This week he knew who my daughter was when I showed him a picture, he said "that's Randi Jade!" that made me smile. He also pointed to my youngest son Payton who is 14, and said he acts more responsible than him (pointing to my 18 year old Parker, shhh we won't tell Parker he said that).

Britney then fed him a cup of fruit and he was very pleased to get some crackers. She asked what kind he would like, saltines, graham, ritz, Ron said, "A cracker is a cracker isn't it?" He had his cracker and asked politely for some water to go with his cracker. He was so grateful for the water! "AH!" he said. "Nothing like water!" He seems so grateful for simple things that we all take for granted (water and crackers). He was without food for almost a month being fed formula through a tube. So he is in "heaven", besides the leftovers. Britney then cleared him to eat solids (He will get his burger next week). I then had the privilege of feeding him a slushy. He loved that too. He wasn't quite finished and decided he was tired. In a very toddler like way, he closed his eyes and said he wanted a nap. He then told me to put that slushy in the fridge (chuckle).

THROUGH FIERY TRIALS by John Bytheway

When My mother passed away April 2005, a dear friend of mine gave me a talk on CD by John Bytheway, having to do with trials. Those of you who may not know who he is, he is a popular LDS (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a.k.a Mormon) speaker and uses great humor in his writing and speeches.
I found this great write-up by him recently and it really helped me through one of my days/moments. I will need several of these uplifting reminders. I know God puts these in my lap as I continue to try and turn to God and the Savior during any of the trials I have faced or will face:

THROUGH FIERY TRIALS

John Bytheway

April 12, 2013

 

On March 22nd, just a few weeks ago, I stood on the stage at the Time Out for Women event in Indianapolis and I began with a comedy sketch I remembered from the country-music variety show, “Hee Haw.”

Barber: My uncle died.
Customer: Oh, that’s bad.
Barber: No, that’s good.
Customer: Why?
Barber: He left me $50,000.
Customer: Oh, that’s good.
Barber: No, that’s bad.
Customer: How come?
Barber: The taxes were $25,000.
Customer: Oh, that’s bad.
Barber: No, that’s good.
Customer: Why?
Barber: I had enough to buy an airplane.
Customer: Oh, that’s good.
Barber: No, that’s bad
Customer: Why?
Barber: ‘Cause I fell out while doing a loop de loop.
Customer: Oh, that’s bad
Barber: No, that’s good.
Customer: How come?
Barber: I saw a haystack below...

You get the idea. My point was, that each of us can look back at our lives and see that difficult times often bring wonderful blessings, given a little time and perspective.

Well, that was Friday night. I returned home late on Saturday night, and resumed my bishoply duties on Sunday. A couple of days later, Tuesday March 26th to be exact, my wife and I were debating whether the pinewood derby for the cub scouts began at 6:30 pm or 7:00 pm. At about 6:29 pm, we discovered we had exactly one minute to get to the event, so hollered to the kids, “get in the car” and we quickly gathered the family of eight into the SUV and took off.

About 7:51 pm, my cell phone rang, and it was my first counselor. Bob’s chilling words, as I recall, were “Bishop, there’s about four fire trucks in front of your house you’d better come home now! What’s your garage code?” I could hardly remember my name, let alone my garage door code. I told my wife there was trouble at home and left the building. I could hear numerous sirens and could see the smoke in the sky when I was still a few blocks away. That’s a sick feeling.

It turns out my children had been watching the Food network or some cooking show and wanted to try deep frying some chicken wings, but they had left the oil on the stove, and hadn’t turned the heat off in our rush to get out the door.

The fireman were there in four minutes after the initial call, and the fire was out in six. They were awesome.  But our kitchen was destroyed, and the entire house smoke damaged.

Over the next 24 hours, I witnessed some of the finest acts of kindness and Christlike service I had ever seen in my life. To prevent looting (which another family in our neighborhood experienced after a fire), my Elder’s quorum organized a night watch program. These fine men, these brothers in the gospel, sat in their cars in my driveway all night long, taking one of three shifts – “midnight to 2 am,” “2 am to 4 am.” and “4 am to 6 am.”  They did this for the next three nights. Other members brought us breakfast bagels, sub sandwiches, and flowers. One dear sister, without being asked, found my Sunday suit and some shirts and took them to the dry cleaners so they would be ready for Sunday. Some handed me envelopes full of cash! Among other things, this enabled us to get some temporary clothes while ours were being cleaned (I bought a shirt and pants for $10 at Deseret Industries and wore them for the next three days). My wife’s parents took us in and we slept on floors, couches and the bed of the son away at school.

Over the next 48 hours we received dozens of phone calls and texts, offers for every service imaginable, and reports that our family was now on the temple prayer rolls. “Angels will be dispatched,” texted Wendy, a friend and fellow Time Out presenter. It was incredibly humbling. More than once, I thought to myself, “I don’t deserve to be treated so nicely!” (I concluded, however, that my wife did).

My love for my dear ward members grew immensely that day, and over the next few days as I puttered around the dark and smoky house locating things I knew I needed immediately, and identifying those that could be boxed up and deodorized by the restoration company.

I must admit, my furrowed brow and worried countenance brightened considerably when the insurance adjuster and the restoration company agreed that we would need a new kitchen, new carpet, new floors, and that most of the smoke-saturated sheet rock would have to be removed, replaced and repainted – all covered by insurance.

A tragedy?
No.

My family of eight, one cat and two geckos were safe. It could have been so much worse. We are so grateful to the Lord for his mercies.

An inconvenience?
Yes, but we’re being taken care of by family, neighbors and friends.

An experience which highlighted the goodness of the people I’m surrounded with?
Absolutely. I will never, ever forget all the kindnesses – and I want to be sure when one of my neighbors is in trouble, I can be there for them in the same way.
“Bishop, you had a house fire”
“Oh, that’s bad.”
“No, that’s good....”

Or, as the scriptures say, “All things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory saith the Lord” (D&C 98:3; see also Romans 8:28, D&C 90:24, 100:15). 

Ron can talk more clearly, not sure I like what I hear (aliens and bombs?)

I was out of town during the week last week and didn't get out to see Ron until Saturday 8/30. He was wide awake watching CNN, a program about JFK and Lee Harvey Oswald. He was mumbling a bunch of things about the government. I was surprised to see that he no longer really mumbles quietly. I can catch most of what he is saying, however much of it is not accurate information (this was hard to catch in the beginning because he couldn't talk well).

My aunt Joyce and cousin Stacie went to see him during the week while I was gone and texted me a report of how the visit went. "Ron thinks it is 1995, he is still confused about many things."

I ask Ron lots of questions while I visit him. He too told me it was 1995, and that the month was August. He also told me that he was 18. I like to joke with Ron, as it makes the situation a little easier for me to handle. I joked with him that if he is 18, that makes me 20!
He talked more about his cravings, for tobacco etc. I told him that he had quit everything before his accident (I lied), and it shouldn't be a problem. "Don't you remember that you quit all of that?"  He said "yes" (thanks Diane for the awesome advice!).
 I took Randi and Joe (my daughter and son-in-law) with me this visit. I have been going by myself and I usually cry on my drive home. It was nice to have them to talk to and keep me in high spirits.

While watching the program on CNN, his thoughts were deep into those events. He told me I needed to go "bomb" everyone. I replied that I don't really want to be in prison the rest of my life. He talked of some aliens that were the size of our dad. Hmmmm. Interestingly enough, he knew exactly how long it had been since Jim, my brother visited him and my aunt Joyce and Stacie had been there 2-3 days ago. A week before I had visited Ron, Jim thought Ron was about 50/50 as far as his cognitive ability. After my visit on Saturday, I would asses more like 25/75. He knows about 25% of what is going on, 75% no clue. I asked him how many kids I have, he responded "a lot" and could not remember any of their names.  However on another visit, he did remember that Randi was married and asked me what her last name was.

Good news on his body, he was lifting his right leg up into the air! he could move that leg as well as right arm in the beginning, mostly wiggling and sliding. Those had improved a bunch. Also, he was able to barely move his left hand and arm, which I have not seen him do at all! Good Job Ron!!!  I had a conversation with his nurse the prior week and the nurse mentioned that his body was in great shape because of the bike riding he was doing prior to the accident. I think this is what made his organs and body get through the accident better than expected.

He bites off his mitten that is placed on his left arm to keep him from picking scabs and pulling at things he shouldn't be! Silly Ron. When we arrived he had the mitten off, and pulled off his catheter he he. The nurses said that he does that all the time! It's that rebellious sole that makes Ron who he is.

Jim was informed while I was away that Ron would be moved from the specialty hospital in Provo on Sept. 15. We have to figure out where he will be going next, otherwise he will be put in an adult care facility where they will feed him and take care of his basic needs. Nothing more than that. It will now be our responsibility to find a care center with intense physical therapy. I will be searching and working with the case worker at the specialty hospital the next two weeks to find the best place for Ron.

When we said goodbye to Ron, he waved and gave us the "hang loose" sign with his right hand.  "See you next time Ron, I love you!!"

Conversations with Ron

I didn't see Ron until yesterday (Friday 8/22), one and 1/2 days after his surgery on his brain. I didn't know what to expect and what he might be aware of or say. He stared at me for a few minutes while I tried to make conversation with him. I went to IMC about 45 minutes before his transfer to the new facility. I met the social worker Michelle for the first time. Jim has met with her a few times. Stacie and Joyce Cottrell, my cousin and aunt probably ran into her too at the hospital. Very nice lady. She was the one who tried to track down a family member when  Ron first arrived at the hospital. She has been looking out for Ron's best interests including figuring out insurance stuff. She was telling Ron about the transfer and she asked him to promise not to ever leave home again without some type of identification on him. It is far too stressful on the hospital staff. Especially not being able to locate family members.

Ron and I were having small conversation, and I could understand a few sentences. If I couldn't understand him he was frustrated. He wants to talk and be understood so badly.  I showed him a few pictures of his injuries and he would get a frustrated look on his face and said "why?" I replied that for some reason he is getting to live this miracle of surviving a horrible accident. I talked about how he used to tell me that he wanted to speak to the youth about the important things in life, and not to go down paths that are hard to recover from. I reminded him of his desire before the accident. He shook his head "no". He said he didn't want to do that now. I chuckled. I think I might have been giving him too much to think about. Showing him the pictures of the injuries and talking too much about his future was too much for him to handle. His brain is trying to adjust to being alive again. I showed him pictures of the family and his eyebrows would lift. I brought a picture of our mother posing with Santa. I reminded Ron that mom used to hire a Santa every year to have a party with her grand-kids. He said "Yes, she loved that".  He seemed to follow much of the conversation we were having.

I stayed until the ambulance arrived to take him to Provo. I was going to go home, and then felt bad that he would be going to this new place alone, esp. now that he is more aware of what is happening.
I followed them to Provo, got him all checked in a stayed another 1 1/2 hours with Ron. He really got chatty. He asked the nurse for some tobacco. I told him he will be cured from all of those bad habits because of his hospitalization. He was very frustrated by that comment. He didn't like that one bit. I was chewing on a grape Hi-chew piece of candy. He said, "it smells like grape gum", I told him it was candy, he said "give me one of those!".  I told him he was on a special formula diet being fed through a tube. He gave me that look again. Very frustrated Ron look. I let him know that as soon as he could eat I will bring him a big burger, fries and shake. He said "guacamole burger". He could always make me laugh before, I was happy to see him back.

Utah Valley Specialty Hospital, Provo Utah

Utah Valley Specialty Hospital, Provo Utah

Jim and I received a call yesterday from Ron's case worker at IMC that Ron had been accepted and was medically cleared to be moved to a specialty hospital. There are four of these types of hospitals in Utah which is great because most states do not have more than a few. The specialty hospital is designed to care for patients who were once in ICU or trauma and need further care for wounds and physical therapy. They will mostly focus on Ron's wounds with a little physical therapy on his limbs. He won't be able to put pressure on his pelvis for 3 months per his orthopedic surgeon at IMC (I mentioned this earlier). This will also allow time for his brain to heal.

Ron's New Hairdo:

Burr Hole and incision to drain the fluid surrounding Ron's brain.

Brain Injuries

Ron's decor in his room, thanks Stacie for the cute teddy bear!

I found some great information today while searching the topic on brain injuries. It gives me comfort to know that other people have endured the same experiences. Our trials make us stronger and more compassionate towards others who go through what we do. (This is what I have heard and believe, however when I am in the middle of a trial, I don't think like that. I am too busy feeling sorry for myself). Advice from others is common too, "don't worry, God is in charge", "stay strong", "time will heal". Those are all true statements, they don't really make me feel better at that very moment. I have to wrestle with God in prayer. That makes me feel peace. I can't ask "why" or go through the "what if's?" That makes me feel worse. I have to trust fully in God and His plan. Everything happens for a reason. Not everyone agrees with that statement. I truly believe it and that gives me hope and strength to endure.

Talk to them, play the music they like, and let younger children help, too. You never know what may trigger a response. Show them your love and your smiles, not your tears. Stay positive.”

– Mother of a 17-year-old who survived an eight-week coma when the van he was riding in was hit broadside by a drunk driver.

“ I learned more about brain injuries by talking to the doctors and especially the nurses who cared for my son. Most tried to be as honest as possible about the prognosis. The truth is, it’s a waiting game.”

– Mother of a 16- year-old who survived a two-week coma and a five-month hospital stay after a car accident.

Not a Craniotomy - A Burr Hole

Ron was in surgery from 5:15pm tonight until around 8pm. The nurse was too busy to talk to me when I called twice. The nurse I spoke with earlier today said that he would be having the Craniotomy, but really wasn't sure. I didn't know the difference between that and a Burr Hole. The Craniotomy is where a bone flap is removed temporarily to access the brain. (big difference). The Burr Hole is a small hole drilled on one side of the skull to drain the fluid from around the brain. His surgery was successful and he was wide awake, watching t.v., he responded to commands and told the nurse his full name (he knew it). I spoke to the nurse around 10:15 p.m. He will be in trauma ICU overnight and hopefully released to the 11th floor again tomorrow. This is great news!

Craniotomy - Brain procedure to drain fluid around Ron's brain

 I don't like the word Brain Surgery, it sounds too intense. I will call this next surgery a "procedure" that Ron is having to drain the fluids surrounding his brain. A small hole will be made in his skull for this procedure.

I wasn't able to talk to the neurologist today to get more details. His nurse told me about the Craniotomy the doc. decided to perform just yesterday. It was scheduled for today. I was visiting him earlier today and there was no scheduled time for the operation. He was an "add-on" and the nurse said I could call to find out what time he went to surgery.

Ron was not responding again today, at all. Other than a few movements of his right arm and leg, a few sniffles and moans. As I mentioned in a prior post, he can only move the right arm and right leg. I have also seen him lift his head a few times. His regular visitors (myself, Kerri my sister, brother Jim and cousin Stacey, aunt Joyce etc.) have all concurred that this week Ron has not been very responsive. This may be the reason the Dr. decided it was time for this procedure. I will ask that question when I see the neurologist again..

The orthopedic surgeon has been wonderful. I had the privilege of visiting with him today and had the chance to ask a few questions:
How long before Ron will stand and attempt to walk due to his pelvis injuries?
Because of the fractured appendicular bones at the top of the pelvis (I could be wrong about the name of those bones), he won't be able to put any pressure on the pelvis or try to stand for 3 months.
By then the fractures in his left knee and left tibia will be healed.
What about his knee injury, will that heal on its own?
He showed me a few of the x-rays of his knee again. He has a piece of bone that chipped off and a crack in his left knee. Because of the multiple surgeries and other more serious injuries, he decided to leave the knee for now.
A few of the issues Ron will have to deal with down the road is the left hip (hip replacement) and the knee if that is bothering him later, (the doctor said he would go in and remove the chipped bone).

I was in the room when the occupational therapist came to see Ron. He removed the wrap from his left arm and hand and examined his injuries putting pressure hoping for movement. Ron hasn't moved that left arm or hand at all. I was able to see his left hand injury for the first time. It isn't pretty. I am going to share the photo at the end of this post (beware: it is a little gruesome).

First photo is of the staples that the plastic surgeon replaced the stitches with on the top right arm from the fasciotomy (one of the three fasciotomies):

Right arm staples to repair the faciotomy


This is his left hand, shattered a bone and fractured a finger:

 

Ron is cussing - (He is definitely in there somewhere)

Top of left arm, part of fasciotomy they were able to close, surgery was scheduled today to close the rest of the wound

I went to visit Ron on Wed. 8/13 and yesterday 8/17.
On Wed. he was cussing, singing and chatting. He comes and goes, mumbling, saying full sentences and then back to sleep. (I saw signs of the Ron I know!).
I asked Ron if he knew who I was, he said "yes" but didn't know my name. I told him "Jodi, your sister" he then repeated my name. He then said, "Jodi, I don't want us to have any controversy" I told him that was a big word! I asked him if he knew what that meant. "Yes, it means when people have differences". He remembers that we had some issues/differences before his accident. I was cleaning his mouth and scabs caused from his breathing tube. He then spit and said "where do I spit?" and then told me he wanted some cheerios to eat. I kept telling him that I loved him and that he needs to fight this battle, and that he could do it. He also said several sentences that I couldn't understand. However, much progress with the sentences I did understand! Just before he went to sleep, he said "Jodi, tell me everything you know?" I said, "about what?", he said "about this" referring to his accident. I then proceeded to tell him what I knew about it and he had a very puzzled look trying to understand and comprehend. He then went to sleep as I told him that I loved him. "I will see you next time Ron".

My visit yesterday was quite opposite. He was asleep the entire time, sweating, moving around as if so very uncomfortable. My cousin Stacie was there (very consistent with visits from the beginning) and our Aunt Joyce Cottrell (also comes on a regular basis). I don't know what I would do without them checking in on Ron. They told me of their weekly experience with Ron, same thing, up and down. Chatty one day, asleep another and not responding at all. We were told by the nurses that Ron only slept two hours the previous night as he had a difficult night. Jim and Noelle Cottrell (Jim's oldest daughter) also showed up with a guitar. Jim has been playing for Ron and Ron would sing along on a prior visit. Last night nothing would wake him, we were hoping the guitar and Jim singing to him would get him to respond. He was exhausted and slept the whole time we were there. I talked to the nurse today about it, concerned that he isn't getting enough medication for pain. The nurse said that the trauma Doc. said he does this every 3-4 days. He will not respond to commands or really wake up much on certain days. I hope he is back when I visit next. It makes me nervous when he doesn't respond. I was assured by the nurses that they were not concerned.

He went in for surgery again today to close the wound on the left arm from the fasciotomy (already closed the other two in a prior surgery). He was scheduled to go in at 10 a.m., however he didn't go down to surgery until 5pm. They took precaution due to making sure Ron was stable enough. SIGH. "Ron, you are killing me" were my last words to him as I left his room last night.

Ron is coming back, slowly...

IMC - Intermountain Medical Center, Murray Utah

I haven't posted for 10 days. I didn't want to sound negative and sad, so I waited until I could sound more hopeful, and positive. It has been a hard 10 days. However, Ron is progressing slowly. We were told that in the beginning. Last Sunday 8/10/14 was an exciting and depressing day at the same time. The exciting part was that he chatted with me, mostly mimicking me. The first words out of his mouth were "Hi Parker", because my son Parker came with me to see Ron and I told Ron to say hi to him. I went through each of the families names (siblings) and he copied each one. I finally was able to hear him sing and I could understand some if it (an occasional sentence). He also smiled at me, however he showed signs of a stroke because one eye droops and only the right side of the face shows expression. When he spoke, it was very simple and child-like. The only expressions he came up with on his own (without copying) were "yes ma'am" and when I asked him what he wanted to drink he said "fruit punch".  I called our brother Jim and I told Ron to say hi to Jim, and he said "Hi Jimmie". I was so happy to hear him speaking. At the end of my visit the neurologist came in to talk to me. She said that he was going in for a CT Scan because they found fluid around his brain. They were also worried about blood clots near the brain. I was told that there is no way to tell right now if he will be living on his own or in a long-term care facility the rest of his life.  Only time will tell. This was hard news. I went through all the "what if's" I could think of. What if he never moves again, because his brain is not functioning fully. He has been out of ICU for 11 days and has not moved anything but his right arm and right leg. He can't get up to go to the bathroom on his own (I'm not sure of the expectations on that due to the pelvis injuries, that may be normal). What if he does get partial brain function and is nothing but honery and unpleaseant. What if he gives up and has no hope to fight to live and function (I wasn't supposed to be negative).
The Doc's were expecting him to be talking by now. That doesn't mean he won't. I have to have hope.
During Sacrament meeting that morning, I thought about the Atonement. It meant so much more to me than it has in a while. This is because I truly need it right now. Christ knows the pain Ron feels and my family is feeling as we watch Ron go through this rough time in his life. I am trying desperately to hand this over to Him to carry the burden. It is too heavy.
Ron is progressing, he has bad days like we all do. He has days when he is so uncomfortable and doesn't want to be awake and responsive. He has other days when he is singing and chatting. I have to have hope....
Elder James E. Faust said the following "Everybody in this life has their challenges and difficulties. That is part of our mortal test. The reason for some of these trials cannot be readily understood except on the basis of faith and hope because there is often a larger purpose which we do not always understand. Peace comes through hope."
He also quoted Samuel Smiles: “Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey towards it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.’ … Hope sweetens the memory of experiences well loved. It tempers our troubles to our growth and our strength. It befriends us in dark hours, excites us in bright ones. It lends promise to the future and purpose to the past. It turns discouragement to determination.”  (James E. Faust, General Conference Oct 1999, "Hope, an Anchor to the Soul")

Two weeks ago tonight....

Today has been a hard day. I cried more today than I have since the accident. I am realizing just how long the road back may be, reality hit me today.

Ron was moved from ICU yesterday, which is great news. He is opening his eyes regularly and trying to talk (still mumbling). The leg braces have been removed and his bruising and scrapes are more visible. He was looking around the room and staring at me with blank looks. Jim explained it like this.. "the lights are on but nobody is home."

Left knee and leg where tibia/knee is fractured

View of left foot, two broken toes and stitches on baby toe

Occasionally he would look like Ron, but mostly his looks are blank and confused. Casts and wraps cover each arm and legs. He looks so very thin in the chest, however he has always been on the thin side like my dad. He looks a lot like my dad. We have heard that comment several times from visitors or family who knew my dad. His new room is on the 11th floor and he had two male nurses who were so great. He is getting great care and that is very comforting. His nurses said he sings quite a bit, I tried to get him to sing for me. He wouldn't, I guess he was done singing for the day. We just stared at each other as I tried to make conversation. This is hard, a different hard than losing a loved one. Right now it feels like we have lost him, but not completely. We are hoping he will be back mentally within weeks to a few months. It is hard to say what the time frame will be. Maybe it is good that he isn't mentally aware because of the pain. Does his body need the time to heal a little more before he becomes aware? I expected that because he is awake now we would be able to have some conversation. I have thought about what he might say when he snaps out of this. I have so much hope that he will want to look at this experience as a second chance. It is too early to even know if he will have normal brain function. I am trying to be positive, it is one of those days and I just want to feel sad. I will feel better tomorrow.

Baby Steps.....

I visited Ron again today, his breathing tubes were removed 40 minutes before I arrived. He can only mumble due to all the tubing down his throat. The nurse and I couldn't understand his jabbering. His wonderful nurse Michelle at IMC has worked several 12 hour shifts with Ron. She is so sweet and really great at what she does, all the nurses and staff have been so wonderful. She kindly explains Ron's changes and progress. She told me today that it is quite normal for him to try and talk and he may say some silly things because he is still very confused. The heavy drugs needed to keep him sedated through the multiple surgeries as well as the pain from his accident (impact) will take some time to clear his body and mind.

Ron looked at me several times and tried to talk to me. I put my ear up to his mouth several times and kept talking back to him even though I couldn't understand what he was trying to tell me. He makes lots of facial expressions, mostly squinting as if he is in pain or confused. I brought two of my sons with me to see Ron. Preston and Payton, they had a really hard time seeing Ron in his condition. They didn't really want to stay by his bed for too long. When I told Ron they were with me, he lifted his head to try and see them and made a puzzled look at them like "I can't believe how big you guys are!" The nurse did say that he may recognize people and the next minute be confused. Jim stopped in for his daily visit and to check in, and he told Ron not to move very much because of the pain. Ron nodded his head up and down as if to say "okay". These are all "baby steps," he went a week and a half with barely responding to commands by the nurses, and not much going on with his eyes and face. These small steps he is making are progressive and very exciting to watch as he comes out of the "coma-like state" he has been in.

Yesterday he had one last surgery (8/05/14) to add another screw to the left side of the pelvis where the doctor felt he needed more support. I will add that x-ray at the end of this posting. Jim witnessed the first real progress of Ron opening his eyes yesterday morning. He got it on video and I wanted to go visit to see if he would look at me. Yesterday he got out of surgery at noon. This one was shorter, 2 1/2 - 3 hours. The nurse really didn't think he would wake up for me. He did wake up at about 7pm and looked at me. I told him he had been in an accident, he made a really confused look on his face. Kerri and Brad came while I was there and when I went to leave I told him I loved him and that I would see him tomorrow, He nodded as if to tell me okay.

Second surgery on pelvis to add additional screw on left side

 

Visitors - family and friends

Ron, you have had several visitors and many prayers said in your

behalf. You have a rally of friends in spirit through face book and

other means. Here are some of the visitors that I know have been by

your bedside this past week and 1/2. 



 -  Your brother Jim, the first to hear the news and the first to be by your side. He stops in daily, morn
    night and afternoon, whenever he can to check on you. Katherine has visited you too!
 -  Sister Jodi (myself) I stayed at the hospital during your first surgery on arm and hip (long day)
    I come as often as I can, I asked Tim to come sit in the waiting room last Thurs. during your pelvis
    surgery in order to meet the Doc. afterward and sat in your room until I arrived
 -  Sister Kerri and Brad Ernstsen have been by your side almost every single night
 -  Sister Jen, came from Arizona to see you for a few days (she will be back)
 -  Uncle Phil Fabry, he came to visit that first Tues. in surgery and came to keep us company
 -  Aunt Kerri Fabry, she asked how she could help, we asked her to visit when we could not be there.
    She has been by your side several times and brought us some treats
 -  Uncle Kem and aunt Pat Nixon. They came to visit you while they were in town for a few days
    They visited several times and you responded to Kem when he spoke by lifting your eyebrow.
    Up to that point you had only responded to Kem and Jim
 -  Our cousin Stacey Cottrell has been your angel, and our angel. She stayed all night with you in
    the beginning, you would get irritated and she bugged the nurse all night telling them you were
    uncomfortable. Stacey has been by your side almost every day too. She comes after work or
    whenever she can. This has been so great because we can't always be there, and she doesn't
    like it when you are alone
 -  Our cousin Scott Cottrell came by with Stacey, he was so great and made us laugh. He is quite
    funny. We had a great conversation that night in your room, laughed a little too!
 -  And our cousin Danny Cottrell came by too, I wasn't there but Brad and Kerri were I think
 -  Aunt Joyce Cottrell came by after her trip to Milwaukee, it was so great to see her. It has been
    so many years since we have seen or talked to her, she really wanted to see you. I'm sure she
    will be back!
 -  Victor and his friend/business partner came by and sat in the surgery waiting room on Tues. 8/29
 -  Others have asked to come by, this will happen when you are out of ICU trauma!
 -  You have many others who are concerned and call for updates. Grandma Willie likes updates on
    a daily basis. She gets them from Pat, Phil and Kerri and myself

The X-rays - before and after

 

Left forearm injury (punctured through the skin)

  The left arm was one of the more serious injuries along with the pelvis

Reconstructive surgery - left arm

View #2 of left arm

Pelvis injuries 

Pelvis repair (reconstructive surgery)

I will only post the two major injuries and x-ray for each. There are several other injuries, as listed in my previous post (these are the most critical)

Ron's Injuries -

The injuries:
-  two broken toes (left foot)
-  stitches in left toe
-  fractured tibia
-  fracture in left knee
-  left hip dislocation (possible hip replacement)
-  left forearm multiple fractures (reconstructive surgery was Tues. 7/29 on arm and hip eight hours)
-  pelvis, multiple fractures (reconstructive surgery was Thurs. 7/31 about eight hours)
-  hand fractures, including a crushed bone in hand and fractured finger (in surgery today Mon. 8/04)
-  nose fracture (same surgery today 8/04)
-  stitches in left eye lid area
-  muscle swelling over much of his body
     - due to high impact he has fasciotomies on both arms and left leg, these will need plastic surgery        /skin grafts

The positives:
-  breathing on his own
-  brain activity, responds to simple commands such as squeezing fingers, wiggling toes and gives  a      thumbs up! He responds to my uncle Kem and my brother Jim's voice by lifting an eyebrow
-  no internal injuries up to this point, all organs seem to be functioning normal
-  no noticeable brain damage as far as we can tell, we will know more when he wakes up
-  we feel prayers and support from our friends and loved ones

SUV vs Bike accident

My dear brother Ron, I love you more than you know. The sorrow I feel right now watching you in this state is more than I can handle. Your accident happened just a little over a week ago. You were riding a bike (bicycle) with no helmet, no identification, in the middle of the night down a mountain road near our brother Jim's home on South Mountain in Draper, Utah. There are no lights on that road, no lights on the bike, when the SUV turned in front of you.

This happened early Saturday morning July 26, 2014. The authorities finally identified your body on Monday and called my brother Jim. I got a phone call in the middle of trying to cook dinner, my basement was flooding due to heavy rain and I had someone trying to find my house to pick up a few items, all at the same time. "Ron has been in an accident and is in critical condition in ICU," was the message on my voicemail from my brother Jim. I jumped in the car leaving the basement issue with my husband and kids.

When I arrived at the hospital in Murray, Utah, I walked in to see my sweet brother Jim by Ron's side. I had already started sobbing just as I pulled around the corner of 4500 south and State Street, near the hospital. I continued for a few minutes crying over the horrible state my brother was in. He was alive, breathing on his own, however his orthopedic injuries were critical and invasive.

This is so different than death. We have already witnessed death by experiencing both of our parents dying and seeing their bodies with no breath, no movement, no spirit. This is so different. He lays in bed, sweating, and looking so uncomfortable. He moves his right arm and both feet when he is awake. He isn't fully awake, he is sedated until he gets through the surgeries that are needed. Because of the movements and responses to commands (squeezing fingers, wiggling toes, giving a thumbs up) the doctors believe his brain was not damaged. There are no obvious signs of brain damage. However, because of an injury of an artery near the brain, we will not know until he is fully conscious if his brain is fully functioning.