Ron fell out of bed - more stitches :(

While I was out of town, my brother Jim received a call that Ron had fallen out of Bed. He has been transferred to a long-term care facility, a big step down from the care he had been receiving. He had medical clearance to be moved as his wounds are healing very well. He can't do much but lift his arms and legs. He can scoot a little bit while grabbing the side of his bed and pushing with his arm and leg. He went to reach for a water cup and fell out of bed, cutting his head on the right side of his forehead. He had a black eye too. I went and saw him this last Friday while he was in McKay Dee Hospital in Ogden/emergency. He stayed the night as they thought he was wanting to hurt himself. My brother Jim made a good point. This is progress, he is becoming aware of what is happening and he is very frustrated. We knew the process of healing would be difficult. He seemed fine at the time I had visited him and in good spirits.

I stayed with him 3-4 hours while I talked to several nurses and deciding if we should move him to a different facility. Ron remembered how he fell out of bed. He said the place in Roy is terrible. They want to steal my medicine and it took them forever to come when I fell out of bed. It is hard to know what to believe. However, a nurse at the hospital told me that the place in Roy was wonderful as he went there for years growing up to visit his uncle.

The type of care he will be getting is so different from what he is used to. It will be an adjustment wherever he is. We decided to move him to a place in Washington Terrace in Ogden. That will be happening today. I am waiting to here on a time.

While with Ron I finally tracked down one of Ron's best friends that lives in Las Vegas, Bill. He and Ron had a good talk on the phone and it is amazing to watch how he is while in a conversation. He seems to remember a lot. A few hours prior to that conversation with Bill he was mumbling all kinds of crazy stuff. He told me he saw Tim (my husband) and that he just walked by his room in a suit. I told him that it couldn't have been Tim or he would be in the room with us! He said wow Tim looks just like his dad (he doesn't at all, he looks more like his mother). I said no Ron, he doesn't at all. Ron said "I mean his other dad, you know, Randi's husband" He was talking about my daughters husband Joe. He seems to bring up Randi's name every time I visit for some reason.

Last week he remembered that Uncle Clyde (my dad's brother) came to visit while he was in town. My aunt Joyce, cousins Stacey and Scott as well as Colleen, Clyde's wife. That was so great of them. Ron said it was a good visit. My aunt Joyce reported to me her thoughts:

"The difference in Ron since we last saw him two weeks ago is amazing! He knew all of us and even knew it was 2014. However, he'd forgotten that both of your parents were dead until we reminded him. He even asked Stacie to tell him how his dad died. He said he wanted his mom to come see him, and I had to tell him that wasn't possible. Then he said, well then, my other mom. We weren't quite sure about that. He said his left hand was all messed up but we noted he could move it and wiggle his fingers. Stacie told him she was upset that we didn't get invited to any of his weddings. He said no one was there, then he asked, who did I marry? When we asked if he'd like any books, he requested a Book of Mormon, along with books by Stephen King, Dean Koontz and Sidney Sheldon. Stacie said she could bring some books that were not Mormon (in fact, pretty in-Christian). He said to her, look, I've seen too much stuff not to believe it's true. We met his roommate, who told Clyde he had cancer and was there just waiting to die. Too bad. I can't see him and Ron becoming best buddies. Hopefully, Ron won't talk him into giving him any cigarettes! We asked him how he felt, now that his lungs were clear. He said he felt a lot better but the cravings are still strong. All in all, the strides he's made were amazing." (reported from my Aunt Joyce Cottrell on Sept. 16).

Progression! Ron is progressing (moved from Specialty Hospital)

I was out of town last week and got behind on Ron's blog. I went to see Ron in Provo for the last time on Sept. 12. It was our mothers birthday, so Kerri, my sister and I went to lunch (I like to go to lunch on my mom's birthday every year to celebrate in spirit).

From there I went to see Ron. He had really progressed in one week. He was chatty and I watched as the speech therapist worked with him again. She gave him the name of a color and something to associate with that color. She assigned him the object (this was a memory game, nothing to look at). Yellow is the sun, green is the grass, red is a stop sign, blue is the ocean, orange is a carrot, white is paper, purple is a flower,  pink is a pelican, brown is chocolate and black is coal. He did pretty well, but sometimes with green he would say the wrong thing (I can't remember now), purple he couldn't ever remember (flower) and blue he would sometimes say river, or lake instead of ocean. Funny thing for white he blurted out "garments", me and the speech therapist looked at each other with a very strange look. He would say it every time and then we had to correct him, no it's "paper". He started doing it on purpose to make us laugh. Pelican was way too hard to remember. He would say papaya each time or anything else that started with a "p" for pink. For coal, he said "tar" which is still good as he was associating the right color to an object! Also very funny was when he would say brown for chocolate, he would use a funny accent and say "chocolaté" (choco'latte) He is so silly.

Left hand and arm (he can lift and wiggle his fingers!! a miracle

He talks about his left arm which is the arm that was in very bad shape. He told me his arm looks like planet of the Apes. He made a funny face as if his hand was talking ("I'm from planet of the Apes").

He wasn't hungry, so I couldn't get him a burger yet. He isn't eating a ton, just enough and he is losing weight instead of gaining. Not too concerning yet. He is so very thin. He couldn't remember the names of my kids and Shane's kids. I had to remind him. He said "Cody had a grand-baby for Shane, right?" No, he isn't married. He remembers things, and then I can be talking to him and he will forget what we discussed all in the same visit. I was told this is all normal with brain injury patients.

When I left I told Ron I wouldn't be able to visit again until the end of next week because I was going out of town. He seemed to understand.

YIPEEE Solid Foods! (Visiting Ron - Friday Sept. 5th)

Ron was so cute, I decided I like the stage Ron is in right now. Maybe I am in denial and want to ignore reality. Or, I am at peace with accepting where he is mentally right now. He is a 12 year old and we are young again. He isn't even trying to be funny and I laugh at and with him. We have always been able to laugh together and talk just about anything. Even if our lives are/were so different, we could find common ground and giggle a lot. We use to talk a lot about growing up and all the funny things we experienced. The good and bad at times depending on our mood. Ron could remember almost everything from our childhood. I was always amazed at what he could remember.

I asked Ron how the food has been. He said "terrible" it is like leftovers! They feed me leftovers!
I again promised him a hamburger from Carl's Jr. as soon as he is cleared for solid food (I hate Carl's Jr. due to personal (political) reasons, I think I have been only once many years ago; Therefore I will try and convince him he needs a Crown Burger, onion rings and a shake!)

I spent time with the case worker (Kitt) and the speech therapist (Britney) which was really great. The speech therapist is over his diet and swallowing as well as short term memory (cognitive exercises).
I watched as she asked him the simple questions, his name, what year and what city he was in.  She then told me to remind him all the time about what he was doing before the accident, where he lived, etc. We were discussing his transportation. I told Britney he rode his bicycle all over. Ron perked up and said "yes, my only mode of transportation, that is how I stay in shape!). He remembered that he rode his bike all over. From Ogden to Centerville and North Bountiful where he was doing construction as a living. He couldn't remember that he was visiting Jim in Draper at the time of the accident. He doesn't recall where he lives.  The last time I asked him what year it was he said 1995. This week he thinks it 2004 (he's getting closer!).

Britney (speech therapist), asked me to label all the photos I brought for Ron. She said it was hard to help him remember everyone without names. She showed Ron a picture of my family and pointed to my husband Tim, asking who he was. Ron said "that's me." He also told her that my dad's wedding (many years ago) with pictures of his siblings, our grandma etc. Ron said it was a picture of his wedding (Ron wasn't in the picture that we could tell). He does recognize people sporadically. This week he knew who my daughter was when I showed him a picture, he said "that's Randi Jade!" that made me smile. He also pointed to my youngest son Payton who is 14, and said he acts more responsible than him (pointing to my 18 year old Parker, shhh we won't tell Parker he said that).

Britney then fed him a cup of fruit and he was very pleased to get some crackers. She asked what kind he would like, saltines, graham, ritz, Ron said, "A cracker is a cracker isn't it?" He had his cracker and asked politely for some water to go with his cracker. He was so grateful for the water! "AH!" he said. "Nothing like water!" He seems so grateful for simple things that we all take for granted (water and crackers). He was without food for almost a month being fed formula through a tube. So he is in "heaven", besides the leftovers. Britney then cleared him to eat solids (He will get his burger next week). I then had the privilege of feeding him a slushy. He loved that too. He wasn't quite finished and decided he was tired. In a very toddler like way, he closed his eyes and said he wanted a nap. He then told me to put that slushy in the fridge (chuckle).

THROUGH FIERY TRIALS by John Bytheway

When My mother passed away April 2005, a dear friend of mine gave me a talk on CD by John Bytheway, having to do with trials. Those of you who may not know who he is, he is a popular LDS (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a.k.a Mormon) speaker and uses great humor in his writing and speeches.
I found this great write-up by him recently and it really helped me through one of my days/moments. I will need several of these uplifting reminders. I know God puts these in my lap as I continue to try and turn to God and the Savior during any of the trials I have faced or will face:

THROUGH FIERY TRIALS

John Bytheway

April 12, 2013

 

On March 22nd, just a few weeks ago, I stood on the stage at the Time Out for Women event in Indianapolis and I began with a comedy sketch I remembered from the country-music variety show, “Hee Haw.”

Barber: My uncle died.
Customer: Oh, that’s bad.
Barber: No, that’s good.
Customer: Why?
Barber: He left me $50,000.
Customer: Oh, that’s good.
Barber: No, that’s bad.
Customer: How come?
Barber: The taxes were $25,000.
Customer: Oh, that’s bad.
Barber: No, that’s good.
Customer: Why?
Barber: I had enough to buy an airplane.
Customer: Oh, that’s good.
Barber: No, that’s bad
Customer: Why?
Barber: ‘Cause I fell out while doing a loop de loop.
Customer: Oh, that’s bad
Barber: No, that’s good.
Customer: How come?
Barber: I saw a haystack below...

You get the idea. My point was, that each of us can look back at our lives and see that difficult times often bring wonderful blessings, given a little time and perspective.

Well, that was Friday night. I returned home late on Saturday night, and resumed my bishoply duties on Sunday. A couple of days later, Tuesday March 26th to be exact, my wife and I were debating whether the pinewood derby for the cub scouts began at 6:30 pm or 7:00 pm. At about 6:29 pm, we discovered we had exactly one minute to get to the event, so hollered to the kids, “get in the car” and we quickly gathered the family of eight into the SUV and took off.

About 7:51 pm, my cell phone rang, and it was my first counselor. Bob’s chilling words, as I recall, were “Bishop, there’s about four fire trucks in front of your house you’d better come home now! What’s your garage code?” I could hardly remember my name, let alone my garage door code. I told my wife there was trouble at home and left the building. I could hear numerous sirens and could see the smoke in the sky when I was still a few blocks away. That’s a sick feeling.

It turns out my children had been watching the Food network or some cooking show and wanted to try deep frying some chicken wings, but they had left the oil on the stove, and hadn’t turned the heat off in our rush to get out the door.

The fireman were there in four minutes after the initial call, and the fire was out in six. They were awesome.  But our kitchen was destroyed, and the entire house smoke damaged.

Over the next 24 hours, I witnessed some of the finest acts of kindness and Christlike service I had ever seen in my life. To prevent looting (which another family in our neighborhood experienced after a fire), my Elder’s quorum organized a night watch program. These fine men, these brothers in the gospel, sat in their cars in my driveway all night long, taking one of three shifts – “midnight to 2 am,” “2 am to 4 am.” and “4 am to 6 am.”  They did this for the next three nights. Other members brought us breakfast bagels, sub sandwiches, and flowers. One dear sister, without being asked, found my Sunday suit and some shirts and took them to the dry cleaners so they would be ready for Sunday. Some handed me envelopes full of cash! Among other things, this enabled us to get some temporary clothes while ours were being cleaned (I bought a shirt and pants for $10 at Deseret Industries and wore them for the next three days). My wife’s parents took us in and we slept on floors, couches and the bed of the son away at school.

Over the next 48 hours we received dozens of phone calls and texts, offers for every service imaginable, and reports that our family was now on the temple prayer rolls. “Angels will be dispatched,” texted Wendy, a friend and fellow Time Out presenter. It was incredibly humbling. More than once, I thought to myself, “I don’t deserve to be treated so nicely!” (I concluded, however, that my wife did).

My love for my dear ward members grew immensely that day, and over the next few days as I puttered around the dark and smoky house locating things I knew I needed immediately, and identifying those that could be boxed up and deodorized by the restoration company.

I must admit, my furrowed brow and worried countenance brightened considerably when the insurance adjuster and the restoration company agreed that we would need a new kitchen, new carpet, new floors, and that most of the smoke-saturated sheet rock would have to be removed, replaced and repainted – all covered by insurance.

A tragedy?
No.

My family of eight, one cat and two geckos were safe. It could have been so much worse. We are so grateful to the Lord for his mercies.

An inconvenience?
Yes, but we’re being taken care of by family, neighbors and friends.

An experience which highlighted the goodness of the people I’m surrounded with?
Absolutely. I will never, ever forget all the kindnesses – and I want to be sure when one of my neighbors is in trouble, I can be there for them in the same way.
“Bishop, you had a house fire”
“Oh, that’s bad.”
“No, that’s good....”

Or, as the scriptures say, “All things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory saith the Lord” (D&C 98:3; see also Romans 8:28, D&C 90:24, 100:15). 

Ron can talk more clearly, not sure I like what I hear (aliens and bombs?)

I was out of town during the week last week and didn't get out to see Ron until Saturday 8/30. He was wide awake watching CNN, a program about JFK and Lee Harvey Oswald. He was mumbling a bunch of things about the government. I was surprised to see that he no longer really mumbles quietly. I can catch most of what he is saying, however much of it is not accurate information (this was hard to catch in the beginning because he couldn't talk well).

My aunt Joyce and cousin Stacie went to see him during the week while I was gone and texted me a report of how the visit went. "Ron thinks it is 1995, he is still confused about many things."

I ask Ron lots of questions while I visit him. He too told me it was 1995, and that the month was August. He also told me that he was 18. I like to joke with Ron, as it makes the situation a little easier for me to handle. I joked with him that if he is 18, that makes me 20!
He talked more about his cravings, for tobacco etc. I told him that he had quit everything before his accident (I lied), and it shouldn't be a problem. "Don't you remember that you quit all of that?"  He said "yes" (thanks Diane for the awesome advice!).
 I took Randi and Joe (my daughter and son-in-law) with me this visit. I have been going by myself and I usually cry on my drive home. It was nice to have them to talk to and keep me in high spirits.

While watching the program on CNN, his thoughts were deep into those events. He told me I needed to go "bomb" everyone. I replied that I don't really want to be in prison the rest of my life. He talked of some aliens that were the size of our dad. Hmmmm. Interestingly enough, he knew exactly how long it had been since Jim, my brother visited him and my aunt Joyce and Stacie had been there 2-3 days ago. A week before I had visited Ron, Jim thought Ron was about 50/50 as far as his cognitive ability. After my visit on Saturday, I would asses more like 25/75. He knows about 25% of what is going on, 75% no clue. I asked him how many kids I have, he responded "a lot" and could not remember any of their names.  However on another visit, he did remember that Randi was married and asked me what her last name was.

Good news on his body, he was lifting his right leg up into the air! he could move that leg as well as right arm in the beginning, mostly wiggling and sliding. Those had improved a bunch. Also, he was able to barely move his left hand and arm, which I have not seen him do at all! Good Job Ron!!!  I had a conversation with his nurse the prior week and the nurse mentioned that his body was in great shape because of the bike riding he was doing prior to the accident. I think this is what made his organs and body get through the accident better than expected.

He bites off his mitten that is placed on his left arm to keep him from picking scabs and pulling at things he shouldn't be! Silly Ron. When we arrived he had the mitten off, and pulled off his catheter he he. The nurses said that he does that all the time! It's that rebellious sole that makes Ron who he is.

Jim was informed while I was away that Ron would be moved from the specialty hospital in Provo on Sept. 15. We have to figure out where he will be going next, otherwise he will be put in an adult care facility where they will feed him and take care of his basic needs. Nothing more than that. It will now be our responsibility to find a care center with intense physical therapy. I will be searching and working with the case worker at the specialty hospital the next two weeks to find the best place for Ron.

When we said goodbye to Ron, he waved and gave us the "hang loose" sign with his right hand.  "See you next time Ron, I love you!!"

Conversations with Ron

I didn't see Ron until yesterday (Friday 8/22), one and 1/2 days after his surgery on his brain. I didn't know what to expect and what he might be aware of or say. He stared at me for a few minutes while I tried to make conversation with him. I went to IMC about 45 minutes before his transfer to the new facility. I met the social worker Michelle for the first time. Jim has met with her a few times. Stacie and Joyce Cottrell, my cousin and aunt probably ran into her too at the hospital. Very nice lady. She was the one who tried to track down a family member when  Ron first arrived at the hospital. She has been looking out for Ron's best interests including figuring out insurance stuff. She was telling Ron about the transfer and she asked him to promise not to ever leave home again without some type of identification on him. It is far too stressful on the hospital staff. Especially not being able to locate family members.

Ron and I were having small conversation, and I could understand a few sentences. If I couldn't understand him he was frustrated. He wants to talk and be understood so badly.  I showed him a few pictures of his injuries and he would get a frustrated look on his face and said "why?" I replied that for some reason he is getting to live this miracle of surviving a horrible accident. I talked about how he used to tell me that he wanted to speak to the youth about the important things in life, and not to go down paths that are hard to recover from. I reminded him of his desire before the accident. He shook his head "no". He said he didn't want to do that now. I chuckled. I think I might have been giving him too much to think about. Showing him the pictures of the injuries and talking too much about his future was too much for him to handle. His brain is trying to adjust to being alive again. I showed him pictures of the family and his eyebrows would lift. I brought a picture of our mother posing with Santa. I reminded Ron that mom used to hire a Santa every year to have a party with her grand-kids. He said "Yes, she loved that".  He seemed to follow much of the conversation we were having.

I stayed until the ambulance arrived to take him to Provo. I was going to go home, and then felt bad that he would be going to this new place alone, esp. now that he is more aware of what is happening.
I followed them to Provo, got him all checked in a stayed another 1 1/2 hours with Ron. He really got chatty. He asked the nurse for some tobacco. I told him he will be cured from all of those bad habits because of his hospitalization. He was very frustrated by that comment. He didn't like that one bit. I was chewing on a grape Hi-chew piece of candy. He said, "it smells like grape gum", I told him it was candy, he said "give me one of those!".  I told him he was on a special formula diet being fed through a tube. He gave me that look again. Very frustrated Ron look. I let him know that as soon as he could eat I will bring him a big burger, fries and shake. He said "guacamole burger". He could always make me laugh before, I was happy to see him back.